


Lessons Learned

by moonlitfog



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack, Ice Play, Language, M/M, Prompt Fic, Questionable Sexual Positions, Rimming, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:31:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitfog/pseuds/moonlitfog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim learns some important lessons.<br/>Prompt fill for the buckle-up meme on LJ. The prompt: 5 scenes from Jim and Bones' sex blooper reel.<br/>I took it one further and turned it into a 5 +1.<br/>No beta, again, and I wrote it at work on my lunch break so don't expect too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons Learned

1

Jim slid down Bones’s cock again, letting it slowly, deliciously, fill him. When he bottomed out, he rolled his hips, letting Bones's wonderful penis shift inside him. He moaned as Bones gripped his hips and lifted him until only the tip remained nestled inside. As he dropped again, the crown pressing directly into his prostate, he gripped the wall shelf harder and dropped his head to gasp his pleasure. Bones bucked up into him, forcing him to lift up and driving another spike of pleasure through him. He jerked in reaction and suddenly the shelf ripped from the supports to land on Bones’s forehead. Bones froze before grabbing his head and swearing a blue streak.

Jim learns a few things from this. First: concussions are guaranteed hard-on killers. Second: hysterical, panicked laughter is not the appropriate response to shelves landing on his boyfriend’s head. Third: sleeping on the couch for a week results in blue balls and a sore back. Fourth: only vociferous and profuse apologies, along with breakfast in bed, are acceptable as the proper way to make up for said laughter.

2

Jim sucked on an ice cube before running his lips over Bones’s hole. Bones sucked in a breath and moaned as he gripped Jim’s hair reflexively. When Jim pressed his cold tongue deep inside, Bones arched and swore.

“Fuck, Jim. Too much. Oh holy mother of every- nnngh-”

A shudder wracked Bones’s frame as Jim stroked deep and pulled back. Bones muttered in discontent at the loss of the tongue. Jim lazily mouthed another ice cube and lapped at Bones again. His lips worked over the tight flesh in a lewd kiss, sucking and pressing the cold tongue against Bones before working the tip in again.

Bones writhed at the sensation, the cold racing straight up his cock, making precum weep steadily. His hands tugged at Jim’s hair, torn between pulling that wicked tongue deeper and pushing the cold away. He moaned as Jim pressed the remaining sliver of ice inside his hole, the melting ice sending shivers up his spine and spreading cold moisture through his channel. Jim absently reached over to pull another cube from the glass and pressed it against and through the puckered ring. Bones jerked and yelped as he kicked Jim hard enough to shove him off the bed.

Jim learns a few things from this. First: make sure to grab the ice from the right glass. Second: ice soaked in bourbon stings like a bitch against mucous tissues like a rectum. Third: it takes more to atone for ‘oh-my-god-my-asshole-is-on-fire-you-bastard’ than it takes to make up for ‘you-trying-to-break-my-damned-head-you-moron?’

3

“Jim, I ain’t doin’ this here.”

“Come on, Bones, nobody’s around, it’s fine. Nobody’ll ever know.”

“Jim…”

“Oh, come on, Bones, just indulge me. How often do we get the chance to fuck on the bridge?”

After a suitable length of persuasion, in the form of kissing and stroking Bones through his uniform, Bones succumbed to Jim’s totally awesome seduction and yanked Jim’s shirt over his head.

“Fine, you brat, but if I end up regretting this, you’ll sleep on the couch for a month.”

“It’s worth the risk, Bones, and what could happen?”

It was when Bones was riding Jim, rocking up and down frantically while mouthing at Jim’s collarbones, leaving a ring of marks, that Jim’s comm. chirped. As Bones tugged his dick while grinding down on Jim, chasing his orgasm, Jim flipped the comm. open.

Scotty’s voice rang out. “Captain, you might want to turn off the shipwide comm. It’s _not_ fair to tease the crew with porn we cannae watch.”

Jim learns a few things from this. First: always lock the shipwide comm. system if they’re going to have sex in the captain’s chair. Second: even Jim can be embarrassed after having ‘the-last-godamned-fuckfest-we’re- _ever_ -having-on-the-bridge-you-asshat’ broadcast to every crew member on the Enterprise. Third: after a while, the couch gets more comfortable. Fourth: when Bones says ‘a month on the couch’, he _means_ ‘a month on the couch’.

4

“No, Bones, trust me, it’ll be fun!”

“Heard that before, dipshit. It won’t be fun if you slip.”

“Aw, Bones. I won’t slip. Come on, it’ll be a rush.”

“Fine, just don’t come runnin’ to me when you break your neck.”

Jim was braced on his forearms and head as he did a headstand. Bones stood behind Jim and angled himself to slide down into him. He held Jim’s thighs to help stabilize him as he started pistoning as deep into Jim as he could. Jim’s calves were flopping with Bones’s movements, and each drive into his slicked hole resulted in Bones driving against Jim’s prostate.

Jim was curling his toes with each jab, grunting in tandem with each press of balls to ass. His cock was aching, precum dripping down across his chest to his chin and the blood that wasn’t currently occupied filling his erection was pooling in his head. About the time the headache started, Bones thrust particularly forcefully, and Jim wobbled on his forearms. His stance collapsed and his body curled as he slid and took Bones down with him. They ended up tangled in an unfulfilled pile, chests heaving, cocks throbbing, bruises blooming.

Jim learns a few things from this. First: when he's in a headstand too long, the head rush does bad things to him. Second: boyfriends can be obnoxiously smug about ‘don’t-ask-me-for-a neck-massage-you-idiot-you’re-a-captain-not-a-gymnast’. Third: a blood-rush headache feels like it lasts _forever_ when said smug boyfriend insists on letting him get over it on his own as a tough love lesson. Fourth: in a situation like this, Jim should expect to get real familiar with his hand, because he isn’t getting familiar with any part of his boyfriend for a while.

5

Bones stared down at Jim as he pressed his fingers to Jim’s entrance and paused as Jim blinked, eyes red and watering.

“Jim, what’s wrong with your eyes?”

“Uh, I may have brushed my teeth before putting in my contacts a few minutes ago. Guess I still had some toothpaste residue on my fingers when I put the contacts in.”

Jim learns a few things from this. First: the term minty-fresh should _never_ apply to one’s eyeballs. Second: his doctor boyfriend will insist he remove his contacts and flush his eyes 'right-this-very-minute-damn-it-don't-make-me-sedate-you-Jim', thus killing the romantic ambiance. Third: grumpy doctor boyfriends are really testy when they're sexually deprived. They will make up excuses to hypo him into next week in retaliation.

+1

Jim came back from the away mission to Torva not only with a successfully signed treaty, but also without a scratch on him or any other team member. When he and Bones reached his quarters after Jim was cleared for duty, Bones attacked him, pressing him to the wall and dropping to his knees to suck Jim’s cock like he was a starving man bellied up to a banquet. After Bones made Jim come for a third time, this time in bed after a slow, sensuous, incredibly tender bout of love-making, Jim was almost too tired to move. Almost.

Jim learns a few things from this. First: coming back safely from an away mission is rewarded by not-so-grumpy doctor boyfriends in the best imaginable way. Second: the resultant love-making results in much mushy talk that can’t be held against him by anyone but a sadist. Bones may be hypospray happy, but he isn’t a sadist. Much. Third: rousing himself to move after the best orgasms of his life may be hard, but Jim is motivated, and he can _do_ it. Fourth: Bones will accept a ring and the attached marriage proposal when blissed-out and overjoyed at Jim’s healthy return without one word of complaint. Moist eyes may even be involved.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too satisfied with some of this, and it's probably only mildly amusing, but the hell with it. I'm posting it anyway. It should go without saying that I don't know or own or profit from these characters. I'm just amusing myself. I apologize for the comma-abuse and other grammar sins. Yes, I know I kept switching tenses. That's what felt right so that's what I went with. If you see something else that needs to be corrected and you feel like telling me, I'll be happy to fix it. Also, I apologize for my inability to write porn well.
> 
> Now, for the non-standard notes:  
> I knew someone who did the ice thing with his wife. He was a bit tipsy at the time. He discovered a whiskey soaked ice cube inserted in his wife's vagina was not the amazing turn-on he thought it would be.
> 
> I also knew someone who had sex in the headstand position. She thought it was good, but not worth the resultant headache. I wouldn't recommend anyone try it at home, or anywhere else, because I worry about broken necks, snapped spines, and other physical damage.
> 
> The minty-fresh eyeballs was me, this morning. One word of advice: put in your contacts _before_ you brush your teeth.
> 
> I apologize for the captain's chair sex broadcast cliche. It just never fails to amuse me so I punish you by throwing it in there. Sorry.
> 
> Aaand, enough of that!


End file.
